


but at best, i can say i'm not sad

by midnightchapters



Series: let's call it something like love [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Green Lantern - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: AU-not season three compliant, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Atlas Videl supremacy!!!!!, Baby Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne is a Good Dad, Eating Disorder, Found Family, Gen, Guy is a dad now, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It gets better I promise, Ivy and Harley are her moms, Not Canon Compliant, Suicidal Thoughts, Well he tries, and so are the other Earth's Lanterns, atlas deserves the world and is baby, fuck gender roles and names, jaime and my oc are best bros, jason and atlas are also gonna be best bros, no beta we die like robins, road to recovery, sorry i dont make the rules i enforce them, they might be kind of assholes later but they genuinely didnt know what they were doing wrong, they're siblings!!!, yeah bruce adopts another kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:14:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26719624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightchapters/pseuds/midnightchapters
Summary: Atlas is not her parent’s daughter. She is not. She learns this with time and so many errors but she gets there in the end.(There are many things Atlas wants and needs and deserves but this— this. She wants to stop.She doesn't.And the world goes on.)
Relationships: Bruce Wayne and Original Female Character, Guy Gardner and Original Female Character, Jaime Reyes and Original Female Character, The Team and Original Female Character (Young Justice)
Series: let's call it something like love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944586
Kudos: 9





	but at best, i can say i'm not sad

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Eating Disorder, Referenced Child Abuse and Thoughts of Suicide, Suicide Mentioned too. sweethearts please do take care and be cautous while reading if any of the stuff i've listed or on the tags above trigger you! i want you to take care and be safe!! please!!!! if anything does trigger you leave this fic, don't read it at all. ur comfort, ur safety matter to me more than reads and kudos and hits do, okay? remember that! take care, stay safe and cautious i love you all
> 
> PHAT FIC. WELL PHATEST FIC I'VE EVER WRITTEN. so buckle up babes! ur in for a ride of a lifetime!
> 
> don't expect long fics like these from me too like a regular. this is a one time thing u get me? CDCHBHS
> 
> keep in mind that i haven't read the comics and i've mostly gotten info from fanfics but fanfics are amazing, the help. so if it's ooc i apologise. 
> 
> but here is an oc and she's on the Team but i won't be mentioning that a lot because this fic is not only about that. it's about emotional bonds formed and recovery and also me kind of projecting my issues on an oc. this story is not only about heroism it is about many other thngs; found family and eventually healing with time. 
> 
> i love the Lanterns and they need to have more screen time on YJ but from that short amount of time i saw them i love them. and they deserve more love too! so atlas is very close to them and they're like father/brother figures to her. yeah they might be dickish is one part i've got planned but they didn't mean to and jaime's strikes sense into them. jaime is also her found brother so there's that. 
> 
> guy also basically becomes their dad too and yeah that might not fit in with his character on the show and stuff but i've read enough fics to tell that guy would be a dad. and he's also was a social worker so experience with kids and also is an education's teacher. so again,,, kids!! (he just wants the best for them) 
> 
> batman also takes her in because he sees her struggling and we all know how batman is with kids. so yes he also basically adopts her too and helps her when she's on her road to recovery. another child for him!!
> 
> poison ivy and harley also become her mom's and they help her as well. especially harley since she is a psychiatrist. so as u can tell found family is a very big thing here. 
> 
> this is also the first fic part of a series of many other fics regarding her and revolving around her. those ones are going to be light-hearted, well i'm hoping, than this one and that is hwere you will get to see the bonds with the Team and the Outsiders. 
> 
> the eating disorder is going to be heavy and play a big part and i got some of my info from reading up on it from articles/online so if there are some parts where things are unlikely and not how it is, point it out to me please and mine too. i have an eating disorder as well but it doesn't have anything to do with my weight and so is the same is for atlas. i'm basing it on mine, what im going through, whats happening to me. and my thoughts as well. it's a struggle, it's really hard and tough but i hope i'll get better one day. i will get better one day.

Atlas doesn’t know how it happens or when it happens but what she knows is that it’s a whirlwind. She’s sure of it —  of something.  _ It happening.  _

She meets a Lantern, one with flaming red hair and tons of freckles, and he’s loud and brash and funny, she can’t help but giggle and wear a smile. It’s not something like _ like _ — like a crush or anything but the like is there. She later identifies him as Guy Gardener, the earth’s third Green Lantern, when he introduces himself to her. She can’t stop herself from saying the words that formed, “Who names their kid Guy?” And she flushes in embarrassment after that because she has more control than that, she has more  _ tact _ than that but he doesn’t mind, or at least doesn’t seem to. 

He shrugs and barks a laugh, “I don’t know kid I don’t know. Question that everyday. And I would change it but it grows in you, I’ve become too attached to it.” He then nudges her teasingly and Atlas knocks her shoulder back against his and it becomes a game, and she realises: Yeah. Yeah, she likes it. Likes this. She likes this. 

And just like that a friendship is born, a friendship blooms and he takes her under his wing even though her powers are nothing like his, not even close to his. He makes funny constructs and she laughs; that always brings a smile to his face. Guy takes her outside, on outings like museums, the park, art gallery’s, anywhere she wants to go whenever he’s free and so is she and not off-world. Guy treats her much like a daughter and a sister. Atlas finds that she doesn’t mind it one bit. 

**______**

He has to go soon. He has to leave and she’s up at the Watchtower again with Jaime (and maybe the others are there too. No, they  _ are _ there too, just not where she and Blue Beetle are) because Guy also took him under his wing. Because the previous Blue Beetle, Ted Kord, isn’t here anymore to take Jaime under his wing and teach him, guide him, be a mentor and father-figure. Jaime doesn’t have that and Guy will do his damn best and is trying his damn best to fill the role, and because he knew Ted. It’s the least he can do, honestly. 

They need this. Both Atlas and Jaime need this and he is giving it, providing it. 

Until Hal and John get back it’s only him and he has to go but he’ll be back with the others in hand, and they’ll meet the kids and they’re going to give their best, their hardest too. 

The only thing until then they can do is wait. So that’s what they’ll do and are doing (Atlas and Jaime that’s who). 

(They give Guy a tight warm hug that they hope can describe all the emotions coursing through them. It does. He understands. And they send him off and watch him go.)

**______**

He returns two months later and just like last time Atlas and Jaime are there, waiting for him as they come rushing out to greet him. (The two have grown closer in these months). Guy hugs them back with as much emotions as the two because these kids grew on him and it says _ I missed you I’m back I’m here _ . And even though Guy may not be heavy for all the sentimental emotions stuff he knows kids and he knows kids need it. 

After hugging to their heart’s desire Jaime and Atlas let go and notice the other two Lanterns floating behind them wearing quizzical and bemused expressions. 

Guy sees the looks on their faces and goads, “Don’t be jealous just because I got a welcome back party and you didn't.” 

They snort. 

One of them turns to him, Hal Jordan, and asks: “Since when did you become a dad?” 

The other one, John Stewart, muses, “What happened when we were gone?” But he’s wearing a smile. 

“With these kids? Kinda hard not to be one. And don’t worry,” he wears a wicked grin, “you guys will be too. Soon.”

John Stewart and Hal Jordan blink and then shrug. “Alright. We’re okay with that,” John says.

“Sure, why not?” Hal tilts his head, considering and nods. 

John turns to Jaime. “I hope you know Ted's so proud of you.”

If Jaime eyes water and he sniffles, nobody calls him out on it. He collects himself and looks at Hal, “Captain Jordan.” Atlas snorts then bursts into hyena cackles that makes Jaime laugh and leans on him for support because she is laughing so hard.  _ Why is she laughing?  _ And the dam breaks. 

The Lanterns are cool to hang around with and fun to be with and just so so amazing. And she gets too experience it up close. This is all Atlas has ever wanted in life. To belong and be loved — not in the exact way she ever expected or wanted or needed or longed and ached for but it’s still there. The love’s there and that’s all she can be thankful for. 

**______**

(One day or night or whatever she cries. She sobs her entire heart out and prays for a future like this. For the future to continue to be like this. Atlas has longed for this, ached for this. 

Her parents had never done anything of the sort like this, like what Guy and Hal and John were doing. Instead, they hurt her, they hurt her so bad and still continue to do so even after so many years away from them because Atlas has always been raw and full of feelings and gentle and loves and  _ human _ . They did not like that. They still do not like that. 

She is everything that defies them, goes against their entire existence and purpose and what they stand upon. The broken graves they have built an empire on. 

Atlas could never be that. She could never be that monster they wanted her to be, built and raised, and expected to be. “ _ You do not hurt Atlas. Feelings are beneath you and beyond you. You are not human. You do not feel. Be thankful for that.”  _ She’s always been something else, entirely else and different, a whole unfamiliar entity, from the moment she entered the world. 

The wounds never heal. And even if they did then her’s didn’t and haven’t and never will. She’s sure of it. On her last breath. That’s the least morbid way she could put it. 

Her parents don’t like that, never liked that. Never loved her _._ She doesn’t mind. 

She is not her parent’s daughter and neither is she the daughter of her parents. 

Atlas is many things. But her own is one she is not. 

She isn’t her parents daughter. Never has been. Never will be. She’ll learn that with time. Eventually. She’s got a long way to go.)

**______**

They’re much closer to Jaime than they are to her but it’s alright. She understands. Ted Kord was their friend, they knew him, were close to him and Jaime is who could have been his protégé. (But he isn't and Ted doesn't even have the chance to know him because he was taken too soon).They’ve taken him under their wing and she gets it, she understands  _ she does _ , she never had anything related to them in terms or powers and stuff but it still hurts. Why does it hurt so much? So she lets Jaime have the attention and spotlight and retreats. Her dreams and prayers and wishes come crashing down. Looks like her future isn’t here anymore, it breaks. There goes her future. 

(Guy doesn’t even notice. He doesn’t even realise. Too caught up with John and Hal and Jaime to pay attention to Atlas but he doesn’t mean to. Didn’t mean to. It’s alright. It’s fine. She’s fine.)

(And they do eventually realise but that doesn’t happen until later, doesn’t even come up until longer.)

**______**

Atlas is 17 when she finds a family and feels like she belongs. She is 17 when she meets Guy and Jaime and the Team and League and Lanterns. She is 17 when she feels like she no longer is a part of them or belongs. Atlas is 17 when she retreats much much more deeper into herself than before. She is 17 when her world crumbles once again, turning into the ruins it was before. She is 17—

(She gets closer to Bart in that period of time. More closer to him than before because she never used to hang out with anybody. Because she longs and aches and needs to be wanted. Otherwise there’s no purpose for her. She can say that this is her flaw. And Bart— 

Bart lets her. He lets her treat him like a brother and view him as a brother because he is aching too under all his armour. He lets her be his sister.)

She stays away from them— from the Lanterns but not Jaime. No, not Jaime, never Jaime because he is an easy going, respectful boy and it isn’t his fault. He doesn’t deserve the sudden radio silence from her. Jaime is a boy, albeit nearing 18 and that is adult but he is a boy, he has no part in this, plays no part in this. She won’t take his joy away, especially when he has it after so long. He doesn’t deserve this from her if she were to do it. 

Now, what he does deserve is the Green Lanterns and them being solid presences as well as stories of Ted Kord. This is the closest it can be, he can be, they can be. She’ll give that to them and won’t intrude. 

Atlas stays away. 

**______**

(She’s Atlas. And just like her namesake before her, she’s crumbling with the weight of the world.)

**______**

Sometime during that fray she gets close to Batman (or more like Bruce Wayne). Atlas doesn't know how it happened and isn't going to question it (did he just see her and think _ yeah, this girl needs help and support and love and I’m gonna be her dad now _ .  _ You’re my child now. _ ) but she recalls being at the Watchtower watching the stars because they bring her comfort and ease, moments away from crying as she holds herself together and Batman approaches. He lets her hear his footfalls so she’s aware that someone is coming to her and doesn’t slink up on her like he usually does to all of them because he’s the night and vengeance and Batman, and sits down next to her on the ground. 

He doesn’t mention her shaky hands or misty eyes or trembling body. He just sits. And she stares a bit but is thankful he doesn’t say anything, ask anything. Some choked sobs do escape her and that’s embarrassing but he still doesn’t say anything and for that she’s grateful. 

And then he takes her under his wing like Guy before him did and Atlas thinks he thinks of her as family. That thought’s nice. It’s been a long time since she’s been in one or feels like it’s been long and wanted as well as needed. But that’s all it is, a thought. Because he’s Batman and Batman is—

His family is already full enough. There’s no room for more. Correction: there’s no room for her. 

(He takes her to the side and tells her  _ That is false. My family is big enough and always has room for more. Stop thinking that you aren’t welcome or that there isn’t any room for you.  _

That tells her he  _ does _ see her as family.)

Atlas ends up being something like a daughter to him. No, she does end up being his daughter just not on documents. He treats her like he does his kids, he treats her as a daughter. 

Batman trusted her with his identity right off the bat ( _ ha! _ ) after a few days sitting in silence together and decided that  _ yes, if I’m going to be taking care of her, looking after her, she needs to know who I am.  _ So he’s revealed as Bruce Wayne and it doesn’t surprise her as much because she suspected it. When he realises that he gives her a small smile reserved for any of his kids and now her too. He trusts her and that means so much more than she can ever say. She hugs him tight. He understands. 

(And maybe she is his daughter. His daughter. That feels nice. To refer to herself being someone’s daughter and thinking of herself as someone’s daughter.)

**______**

Bruce has always known that Atlas is different than the others on the Team. They have made their peace, as in settle down, easily enough and are the best of friends while she continues to flutter from the outside, on the outside. She’s detached and dissociated a lot, which, in this field is dangerous.

He’s always known that she’s the one who needs the most support (not that the others don’t) and love and help. (The others have their people, they’re happy. Atlas has no one and when she did the Lanterns didn’t even look deep enough from the surface). He knows and can tell she’s struggling, has been for a long while. He knows the love she wants is not there anymore because she sacrificed her happiness for her found brother, for Jaime. That says a lot about her. 

And until after the Lanterns come to their senses he’ll care for this achingly beautiful bright broken girl and give her his love, be the dad-figure because Atlas wants and needs a lot of things; this is one of them. He sets himself on becoming her father or father-figure for her, anyone, he doesn’t mind, just that Atlas has a dad and that’s all. 

(He’ll still care for her after the Lanterns come to their senses. Once a dad, always a dad and that also applies to any kid he’s cared for and watched grow and raised and loved. That’s Atlas too now.)

Bruce takes her anywhere she wants to go, assures her that even if it might be expensive it won’t make a dent on his money, he’s rich after all. It’s the most simplistic of things but he can do that. Anything to make her happy. 

One day, one day, if she holds his sleeve with a shaky grip he doesn’t say anything because that will make her remove it and Bruce doesn't want that, not after how much time it took to build up to this moment. He just tucks her close and drops a kiss on her temple just like dad’s do. He’s a dad, she needed a dad and still needs one, he does that. (So much happiness filled him at that moment. Exactly like whenever called him dad and did something stupid, whenever they look at him with the brightest of hearts and smiles and he sees sunshine. Atlas is his kid now too. Everyday, every single day, he thanks God for the wonderful children in his life and who keep entering his life. He prays it never stops.)

(There’s always been a very big distinction from Batman and Bruce Wayne. 

But at the same time there is not.

Batman always follows his birds and Bruce always tails after his children. 

But Bruce Wayne is a father first and foremost while the Batman is the city’s protector and crime fighter. 

Bruce Wayne only protects his kids. 

Batman protects Gotham as whole. 

And as long as he and his birds are here the city will never die. It will always be alive. It already is alive. 

So, there aren’t many distinctions between Bruce Wayne and Batman but at the same time there are, so so many.)

Atlas makes friends with Cassandra and they get along as quick as thieves or however the saying goes. 

(But Batman, even with all those big differences between him and Bruce Wayne, has always been weak for his children and for children in general. That is a well known fact.)

**______**

Atlas is 17 and so small in the world that’s too big and she’s so so alone and hurts and feels deeply. 

The wounds never heal. Her’s never heal. Or they haven’t yet. 

Atlas is 17 and she’s so empty and alone and wants out. But she isn’t, is she? Alone? She’s not. She has Bruce and the others. 

(Atlas is not her parents daughter. She’s not.)

**______**

Atlas is good at many things but this is one of her specialities. So, she does what she’s best in and she’s always been a coward; she hides. 

**______**

Jaime is the one who first realises and comes to his senses (which he doesn’t have to because it’s not his fault) because Atlas is his sister and he won’t let the Lanterns continue on like this.  _ He should’ve known.  _ But no, instead he was enjoying it too much to even pay attention to other things going around him which, undoubtedly he’s failed as a hero, because one of the first things they teach is and he has learned as a hero is: to be aware. Aware of everything, surroundings, emotions, motives. Be aware. Constant vigilance. 

He was too caught up, too wrapped up in his own world, wonderland, reality and with them. 

Jaime is at Hal’s house today, or apartment he doesn’t care, and somehow the topic of Atlas comes up which is good, let them be told off for their wrongs and realise their actions. (For being adults they sure do not have a lot of sense). 

“Atlas is a sweet kid. She’s really gentle and all of that. Also calm. It’s nice to have her in the business and to know her,” Hal says and something in Jaime snaps.

“No. No, you don’t get to say that about her when you’ve all been neglecting her and yes this is harsh but I’m telling the truth. You don’t get to say that because you have only been paying attention to me instead of also her; and yeah I get you were friends with Ted Kord and that I’m Blue Beetle now but that is no excuse. She needs you all more than me. I’m alright. She’s the one struggling. Give her the focus, your focus. Give her the attention and love you’re giving me. Be the dad-slash-brother figures you are to me to her.” 

Hal and Guy gape, eyes wide at him as Hal stutters. John watches and stays silent. 

Jaime continues, “Especially you Guy. You were the one who first began the relationship with her— that sounds wrong forgive me but you know what I mean— and me but you’ve only been paying me, giving me attention. Stop. There’s another one too, someone else too. We come together as a pair, as a deal. Both of us or no one. She gave you her trust. Now who knows if it's still there anymore?” In a much softer tone he says, “Please just be there for her like you are for me. She needs it. There are a lot of things Atlas deserves but your love and everything and all— this is the most important and biggest thing she deserves and needs and wants. Please. Just think of it and do it, alright? Alright.”

He takes his leave. 

(And he starts to avoid them after that. He sticks close by to Atlas and hopes his presence is enough to make it up to her. 

It is. 

And hopes and prays for her forgiveness even though he doesn’t have to because Atlas is a person who understands and forgives easily. She shouldn’t forgive him. 

But she does— forgive him that is because Atlas has missed her brother and can never be mad at him for too long. She isn't mad, never mad. Why did Jaime think that she was? Or would be? 

Is she that poor of a sister that he thinks she’s angry and will be angry at him? 

If so, that’s a mistake on her part. She needs to talk to him. Because siblings always look out for each other.)

(“It’s not your fault Jaime. You didn't know. I understand. Don’t worry about it. Don’t beat yourself over it. I’m here and I’m alright and you’re my little brother and I love you,” She gives his hand a soft, comforting squeeze and a warm reassuring smile. 

“ _ You shouldn’t have to understand _ .” He rounds on her. “ _ You shouldn’t Atlas _ . You  _ shouldn’t _ . And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve been a bad brother. I’ve failed. I’ve failed you and as a brother. I’ve failed Milagro too. You should hate me. Why did you forgive me? You shouldn’t have forgiven me Atlas,” and desperation is there in his voice and it curls up in his chest slowly making its way up. “I—” he breaks into sobs. He can’t hold it in anymore. 

Atlas softens more so than usual and envelopes him in a hug, her heat searing into him and acting as an anchor, whispering sweet assurances and hushed songs. 

There were so many things left unsaid. But he doesn't pay any detail to that, he just cries until he’s exhausted himself out. 

(But the thoughts are still there and— 

He wasn’t able to care for her. Wasn’t able to notice the signs. The guilt eats away at him until all that’s left is a metaphorical rotted mangled corpse. 

Atlas sees that, notices it— when he couldn't even notice what he and the Lanterns were doing to her; he's failed, failed as a brother, failed at everything. What a good brother he was— and she brings him to her side like an older sister would do a little brother, and tucks him into her like she’s done for a long time because this comforts him, well it comforts him if it's from her, and he feels like he could breathe again. 

Just a bit easier and the guilt dwindles away.)

**______**

She can always rely on her friends—  _ no _ , family. They were and still are her first family. But she guesses it’s much easier to refer to them as friends than family because then technicalities come in and get involved. 

Atlas is getting help from her friends (family), not professional help which is one advised but she’s getting help. Not for all the wounds to heal but it’s there, they are. They’re closing, most of them, but not the ones from her past, from her parents. Her friends are helping her the best they can; blood sweat and tears pouring in an effort to help her heal, to be there, an entirely on balance grounding force. (Atlas will gladly say that they are the ones who ground her). 

It’s the fact that they do not have to do this, do not have to waste their time and energy for her but they are and that still blows Atlas away everytime she thinks of it even though it shouldn’t; she shouldn’t and if they’d hear they would smack her upside the head or tut at her or scold her. Because they’re family, a true actual real family (way before Bruce and the others), and families love each other, always. And she is so so glad, thankful she gets to experience it and she has them. Finally. 

It shouldn't surprise her but it does even though they’re what? Been friends since grade six and still going strong 5 years later at grade 11 almost 12. They’re there for her and trying their hardest they can for a couple of teenagers when they could be doing tons of things instead of helping a girl who’s so pitiful that it’s pathetic. But they don’t and that means the universe to her.

She loves her family.

(Atlas is not her parent’s daughter. She is not. Not. She’s almost there. She’s so very close.)

**______**

  
  


(The Lanterns haven’t talked to her yet and when they were they just had to get called for an off-world mission. 

Being protectors of the galaxy, of Earth especially for them, is not easy.)

**______**

Ivy and Harley take one look at her and Harley comes bounding up to her as she’s in her other persona, her hero persona. 

“Ivy, look at her. Isn’t she a sweet lil’ thing?” Harley coos out, bouncing on the tip of her heels as she looks at Ivy.

And Ivy, because she knows what Harley is up to and is going to say and loves her, simply agrees. “She is.” (Even without Harley saying it Ivy can say that.) “And no Harley.”

“Come on pumpkin. Ya didn’t even know what I was gonna say,” Harley pouts. 

Ivy sighs, long and tired and suffering. “You were gonna say ‘can we adopt her’. No.” She sees Harley droop like flower petals do and continues, “But,” she smirks this time around, “who says it has to be legal? Not us. C’mon kid, you’re bleeding out and thank goodness it’s not fatal. Though it might have been infected by now. Come on, we’re taking you to our place.” 

Poison Ivy helps her up and Atlas looks at the women before her. She looks at the convicts, the two criminals who cause so much havoc usually but not as much anymore. There isn’t that much news of them anymore. Atlas doesn’t see or can tell any ulterior motives behind this, behind them. Ivy and Harley are nice and they’re safe and they don’t mean any harm and Atlas avoids fighting “villains” who have redemption arcs and can have them. These two do, have already from the decrease in their mayhem and appearances. They aren’t what the Justice League says they are, they’re far from it, especially when Atlas was in a moment like this. 

She realises that she _ trusts _ these women. So, she follows along. 

(“How come there hasn't been any sightings of you guys? As in no stuff that you used to do on news anymore and all.” Atlas has always been a curious girl, one of the things her parents didn’t like, and so she asks. 

They smile and aren’t mad at all like she thinks they would be. “We’re retiring from this life. We don't want it. We just want our peace.” Ivy replies.

“It’s tiring sugar. I want my happy ending. Everyone does.” Harley says. 

Atlas nods. Then another question: “You guys are nice. How come? The League never told us that.” They’re considered villains, they are called villains, they’re convicts, they’re criminals but they’re far from it. Very far from it in fact. 

“The League never tells anyone that. Especially not you kids. They’re afraid that once you meet nice ‘villains’ we’ll turn you to our side and then you’ll get corrupted. They’re afraid of that, they don’t want that so they avoid it as much as they can. Sure, there are Central City’s rogues and all but they’re okay with that because they aren’t harmful like we are. They don’t consider that we might be human like they are under all these fronts. Only Flash and Batman do.”

She nods again. Some villains could be nice and Atlas knows that, she knows that they can be and are genuinely nice. 

“I’ll distract the League from you.” Then— “I’m Atlas.”

They’re surprised and they let it show. “Didn’t know you heroes could trust that quick. And us especially.” Ivy says. “Pamela.”

“I’m Harley! But you know that already!” Harley says cheerfully.

And that’s the end of that.

“—We’re going out with a bang though.”)

Ivy and Harley become like mothers to her. And that’s how they basically all but adopt her. 

**______**

The Watchtower is like it always is. There’s no change except for rowdy teenagers, the Young Justice team. And Atlas is part of Young Justice so she stops by the Watchtower too. They’re all together and she takes that time to stray away. 

She comes upon a mirror (although she doesn’t know what mirror up here is doing) and notices her frame: thin and not the slender kind of thin (because of stress maybe, she thinks) and her hollow cheekbones and sunken eyes. She hasn’t been eating well for some time, she might relapse which is something she doesn’t want to do. She's been doing so well, she doesn’t want her effort to be for all for nothing and crumble when she’s fought so hard and is still fighting. 

Atlas had been getting better but this shows her that if this continues on, if she continues on like this then she isn't. She won’t be. 

She doesn’t want her eating disorder to come back when she’s been struggling, trying, fighting against it tooth and nail. She doesn’t want to relapse. She doesn’t want it to affect her again. She doesn’t want things to go back and be like they were again. 

Atlas doesn’t want it to be like that. She doesn't want herself to be like that.  _ She doesn’t want it.  _

But that doesn’t stop her from reacting in the way she doesn't want to. 

She trembles, eyes wide and getting glassy by the second, and presses her fingers to her lips to keep a cry inside. (Later, she’ll be mad. Right now, she isn’t. She’s far from that.)   


Batman watches from above, watches from the surveillance cameras, and sends Black Canary. Black Canary arrives, approaches her the moment Atlas does let out a sob. Dinah holds her and Atlas clutches tightly as she wracks with silent sobs and falls apart. 

(They don’t talk about it. Dinah understands that and doesn’t mention it. This is something Atlas doesn’t want to talk about. )

**______**

It’s in the middle of a meeting where she walks in (but it's the interlude where there's a break so it doesn’t matter much) and everyone watches her with bated breath as she walks up to Batman. It’s also very silent too. And it’s as if she doesn’t even seem to realise that almost the entire League is there with eyes on her and anticipation in the room waiting to see what she would do, what is her next move. 

(The Lanterns still aren’t here. They haven't come back.)

“Yes.” Batman says stiffly (but he’s always stiff. Well, in his Batman front yes) maybe because she interrupted the meeting. (But he’s so worried under the cowl because this isn’t like her and Atlas might be here in presence and all but she’s somewhere else. She’s not here anymore. It’s as if gravity has shifted and there’s nothing left holding her down anymore (they are in space and there’s irony in that but he doesn’t mean it like that. Besides, the Watchtower isn’t like the other normal parts of Space. It has gravity), nothing grounding her or tying her down to the Earth. There’s no anchor, just floating along with the rest of the sea.) 

“I’m temporarily resigning. Taking a break. Just for some time,” she states and it echoes in the room where everyone is watching them but she’s still so far away. 

“Alright.” Batman affirms and nods and that’s enough for them. Atlas nods back, turns to leave when Dinah gets up and walks over to her, drops a kiss on her forehead and gives her a warm safe hug and whispers something in her ear. 

Atlas nods again and actually does leave this time. 

Batman lets himself release a deep sigh and massages the bridge of his nose to ease the oncoming onslaught of a headache filled with anxiety and worry and concern like usual for any of his kids and Atlas is his kid. But he then remembers where he is, who he’s with and the meeting resumes. 

(That doesn’t stop the Leaguers from shooting each other glances or chatting about it after the meeting ends.)

**______**

He stops by her flat after the meeting but as Bruce. (Because Bruce is a dad while Batman is—

His kids are more comforted when it’s Bruce and not Batman.)

“Why?” he finally asks but there’s no judgement in his voice. 

“There are some… things that are happening right now. I need to get better and then I’ll be back. Before this gets worse... I’m trying to stop it.” 

Atlas can see the cogs twisting and turning in his head. She knows he’s already suspecting something from the way she phrased her words. It’s the Detective in him. “Are you sick?” 

“No,” she replies quickly and knows he caught it. 

“You are sick.” He states. 

She shrugs. “You could call it that.”

The cogs twist more. “Eating Disorder,” he remarks. She nods. “You’re afraid you’ll relapse.”

“Yes.” 

“Okay,” he murmurs. “You’re not doing this alone. I’ll help you.” 

When she goes to open her mouth a sob escapes and that starts a round of crying. All he does is tuck her close, body warmth tying her down and comforting her. 

**______**

Ivy and Harley do go out with a bang. Like they said they would and as their final act before they settle down for a quiet peaceful life. 

Atlas unfortunately is called in even when she stated she would be taking a break but they needed all the reinforcements they could get. She makes a show out of it too but isn’t putting her all into it like she normally does. She shoots Ivy and Harley furtive hesitant glances and they nod hidden to all eyes except hers. So she makes a show. 

After the fight ends she slips away and clings on to Ivy and Harley, presses against them and they hold on to her. 

“Hi baby.” Harley cards her hand through Atlas’ tresses and Pam smiles at her.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters out. 

“Aw no, don’t be sugar.” Harley coos, taking her face in her hands. “Pam and I understand. Do it for the duty and all.”

Pam snuggles Atlas further in her arms. “We don’t hold it against you Atlas. You did what you had to do. No harm done. We love you.”

**______**

A car horn honks from somewhere down below and a boy on top of the building. He wants it to stop, he doesn't want to hurt anymore. He is tired and he wants out. City lights shine, cars horn and the world continues on. They won't notice him gone. 

He assures himself, coaches, eases himself that the drop’s not far and he can do it. He can go away and never be seen from again. 

But there’s something that's holding him back. Will he feel anything? Will the drop down hurt? He’s read about it, he’ll be dead way before hitting the ground. No, he won’t. So he moves to jump but then… then a voice stops him. 

“So?” 

He glances up in shock because there was supposed to be no one here to see his last minutes, to  _ care  _ even if they didn't mean it like that. He looks for them and there it is: a figure, the voice sounding from the shadows. 

“Are you going to do it?”   


And he can tell it’s a teenager, around the same age as him and female (although he should never assume but it sounds female) and he sees a flash of light blue, almost baby blue. 

He looks back down. At all the cars, at all the people walking around. He wants it. But he doesn’t. Not if this someone cares. He could find a family even if it’s with a vigilante/hero. They care but— “Would you care?”   


“I would.” They tell him easily. “It’s if you do. If you care.” and it’s the most familial feeling he’s felt in a long time. He feels warmth but that won’t save him in the end. (Or it might. With the way how this was going it was likely). He’s come so far but— (there’s always a but). 

“I don’t. I wouldn’t. And besides I don't matter anyway.” He says with so much conviction as if that would change his wavering determination. 

They’re silent now. And when they do speak it’s soft, softer than before and they're looking down too from what he can see, and there’s thought in their words, pondering, introspection. There’s hidden pain too. “What’s making you stop?”

It’s laced with so much _ feeling _ , and is so honest he falters. “You- you would catch me,” he says with finality. 

“I won’t. If you want me to then I will. But otherwise I won’t.” 

Again the honesty is so very striking and the pain behind it is too. He knows that they’ve been trained to keep it out, to not let it show, to not let emotions hinder them and their job but they're doing it anyway because they _ know _ . They  _ know _ and  _ understand  _ and rules be damned. “I won’t be able to be there every time. For you. I won’t be able to stop or catch you and you’ll just do it everyday. While I’m here right now and you’re going to do it I won’t catch you.” They fall silent but then they speak again. “Do it if you want to.” 

He’s hesitant now but he takes a small step forward as if to make up for his hesitation. The night’s air is heavy, it’s laying on thick now. Cars continue to drive and honk and people still walk. “You shouldn’t see this.”

“I've seen worse. Trust me, it won't affect me as much as you think it will do. With this job,” they shrug and leave it unsaid but he understands in the rift between them.

“I know you have but I don't want you to see this. I don't want to leave like this. It’ll affect me instead.” 

They wilt and they’re warm and so tender, so soft as they speak with the pain still there because they know. “You still have regrets. Otherwise you wouldn't be standing here doing this. Considering this.” There’s empathy and he wants to cry, he doesn't want to do it anymore because he’s found someone but he has come so far to stop now. He doesn't want it not when he’s so close to—

“Yes but there’s nothing for me,” he admits. “This is the only thing I can do.”

Their cape whispers in the night wind. 

“Why?” 

“Why not?” he lets out a sad laugh. “I’ve got no one. No family. I’m so tired.” He’s telling a stranger all his problems and it douses him with shame but then as quick as the shame was there it goes away until all that’s left is a gaping hole of weariness. He’s so tired. 

They heave a sad and tired sigh. They understand. They’re tired too. They’re filled with so much pain as well and want it to end. “I know.” They join him on the ledge and the shadow comes out. It’s Notus Bronte. 

He sits down and she sits down next to him. They look at the city together now. Both of them are silent. And he wants to tell her everything. He opens his mouth multiple times, trying to form the words and she waits patiently. 

“My parents are dead,” he finally manages. “They were the only people I had and lived for otherwise I would be gone before this. Before today. But I didn't. I lived because of them, for them. Now they’re gone. What am I supposed to do?” 

She hums and it strangely sounds melancholic. “Live.” She speaks again, “Even if your parents are gone. Your family is gone. Live. They might not still be here and you're in so much pain but they’d still want you to live. Just like you did when they were alive even when they’re gone they’d want you to live too. I know.” 

“How?” He asks, tilting his head to look at her curiously and there’s still pain but it’s not the amount it was before, it’s gentler now, more hidden. 

She’s wearing a sad tired smile that frays at the edges. “Call it instinct.” But she turns serious, the smile quickly slips away, “Waking up’s hard. I know, I  _ understand _ . But you keep fighting. You might deny it but look at you here, were you not fighting the other days too? You were. You were fighting so hard. To live. To make it to today. That’s a fight.” she sees his mouth open and knows what he’s going to say, what he’s thinking before he says it. “Hero’s fights don’t matter compared to this. This is much more important and bigger than those fights. They are nothing compared to this, they’re so miniscule. This is the most hardest and toughest battle, believe me. You believe me don’t you?”

He nods. 

She softens like flowers do and speaks in a much gentler voice. “Waking up’s hard,” she repeats, “But you keep fighting and that says a lot about you. Today is not your final day or fight. The pain won’t ever go away but it’ll dull, it’ll lessen.” 

“Has your pain gone away? Has it dulled? Have you gotten better?” He couldn’t keep the questions in anymore.

There’s the same sad smile on her lips again, but this time there’s a touch of melancholy too. “No, it hasn’t. It’s still raw. It will though. I will. I just haven’t.”

He knows hero’s struggle too but they keep it hidden and Notus is here showing it to him, not burying it deep down because emotions like that are dangerous in the field and these words are dangerous in the field if it spills and somebody overhears. But she’s telling him all this stuff while being aware it's dangerous and it's so humane he wants to cry. It’s been a long time since someone’s cared or cared enough to tell him that he’s not supposed to die, he shouldn’t die, he’ll get better. 

She's struggling too.

“Sometimes I want to die too. I feel like dying. But— I don’t. Even though I’ve thought about it so many times,  _ still _ continue to think about it. I’m so tired too. But what’s it gonna do? Spare me pain for that one moment in my life or period of time where it’s temporary and the others forever, permanently. Whenever I do think of it I remember I’ve got people to live for. You do too,” she firmly tells him. 

“I don’t,” he hates how his voice cracks. “I don’t have anyone. Who I used to have, they’re gone. I just want to see them again.”

“You will.” It’s a statement, kind and absolute and so serious. “Not right now. You have other people here waiting for you, maybe not right now but in the future yes. It’s not easy, it’s never easy but someone… will enter your life, will meet you and they’ll make it a bit better. You’ll be able to breathe a bit easier. So just hold on for them. Please.”

“I don't have a family,” he tries for one final time because it’s draining, his resolve is slipping and has been for the many minutes Notus Bronte has been with him. Just one more try. Just to hear someone still caring for him like she’s doing. He won’t experience someone caring for him so freely for a long time after this. 

She falls silent and she wilts like a flower again and when she meets his eyes Notus looks like she’s about to cry. But then… then: “I’ll be your family.”

He looks at her alarmed because he never expected this. Yes, he might have thought about it but it was just a fantasy, a stray thought but it was actually happening. It’s reality. And then he cries before he could stop it. She holds him close, tucks him to her like she’s done for Jaime and like how Bruce, Dinah, Guy, Pam and Harley have done for her. 

When he stops, wiping his eyes and all that, clears his throat and says, referring to everything they talked about before: “You don’t deserve this.”

“None of us do,” she replies and they fall silent again. It’s still haunted with her contemplative air from before she came out the shadows but it has a relative easiness too. 

They're both haunted but now, _ maybe, _ they can be haunted together. 

She gets up, and a hand is held out, and all he sees is that hand. That’s the only thing that matters, that’s important. And it’s tempting, so tempting that he can’t help but take it. He doesn’t know the last time he held someone’s hand, doesn’t remember but it’s been so long. But he can have that someday, somewhere, again, and someone’s in the future awaiting him. She’s his family now after all. Notus Bronte is family, now that’s a sentence he never expected to say but it’s  _ real _ and  _ true _ . 

He’s not dying today though. He’ll die in the future and meet his family then. He’s got so much waiting for him and someone waiting for him too out there. 

He’ll get better one day. 

He takes the hand.

(— “I’m Felix.”

“I’m Atlas.”)

(Atlas is not her parent’s daughter. She is  _ not _ .)

**______**

She’s always found comfort with space and having a base there is just— she took the chance, so she spends most of her time up at the Watchtower. And after that, she needed the solace space provided to her. 

What Atlas didn't expect is for Bruce to be there which is silly because he’s Batman and Batman was one of the founding members of the Justice League (which is such a bad name. They could have chosen a much better name.  _ Avengers  _ is much better and sounds cooler and she knows the rest of the Team agree but oh well, the name stuck. She wishes Nick Fury were real).

Bruce finds her at the same spot she sits in whenever she visits the Watchtower, the one where the stars are displayed right in view. He sits down next to her. And waits because she’ll tell him in her own time. 

Right now he is not Batman. Right now he is Bruce and Bruce is a father before everything else. 

Atlas is fine, physically but she is not here. He checks her over and she has that haunted aching look in her eyes that Bruce can never fix. 

So, he sits beside her and waits. She’ll tell him eventually. She always does although tonight it’s changed and might take more time for her to tell him. The air’s weighted and there’s a touch of anguish in her features. He waits. 

Her eyes are focused on the stars in front of her, above her, and he thinks faintly that she’s still waiting for the Lanterns to come home. But then her gaze shifts and she looks downwards at the expanse that is space, dark and endless and filled with galaxies, cosmos, stars. She looks down, contemplative and Bruce wants nothing more than her to look at him and not the endless chasm beneath her and everywhere around her. 

“What if I do it?” She breaks the silence and it’s hurt and pain and—

It hurts him. Bruce, as a father, doesn’t want to hear any of his kids think of that or say that in his lifetime. 

“I’ll catch you.”

She lifts her gaze to look at him and the hurt’s still there, it catches Bruce’s breath. He doesn’t want his kids to feel this way, he  _ doesn’t want _ it to— He’ll cry when he gets home. Disbelief and daze shrouds her face. Bruce will cry when he gets home. “What if I keep doing it? Every single day. What then?”

Bruce doesn’t need to mull it over or think of it. He’s so certain of this. His kids aren’t going to suffer, not if he can help it. “I’ll catch you. Every single day, every single night.” (his brain blares  _ In brightest day, blackest _ _ night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil’s might, beware my power, Green Lantern’s light.  _ Hal says it so much it’s been engraved into his mind. Bruce realises that he misses Hal.) “And I’ll never let you go.” Then he teasingly adds, because to lighten the mood and Atlas will appreciate that and to distract her from those thoughts because she will be so alarmed by what he says now. “In brightest day, blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil’s might, beware my power, Green Lantern’s light.” 

That does do the trick, her head shoots up and she looks at him with wide eyes. He smirks. “Dad?!” His smirk eases into a soft smile and he lets out a laugh. 

( _ Hal, come home. Please.)  _

**______**

(Atlas. Jaime has seen the way she eyes the top of buildings, the way she waits on the edges of rooftops, has noticed that she, Atlas, sometimes doesn’t fire her grapple line or float until the last second or minute. Like she’s waiting for something to happen, but it never does happen. Like she is waiting to fall, and for the nerve, the  _ determination _ , but it never comes. He has noticed and observed all of this with Atlas, all of what’s going on with Atlas, because he is a brother and it is his duty,  on missions and stake outs. 

Because Jaime Reyes is a brother, and he loves his sister and doesn’t want to see her go, he tells someone. Someone he knows and Atlas knows and trusts. 

After a mission, he pulls Batman to the side as all the others left and waits for the ones loitering around to leave as well impatiently. Batman raises an eyebrow (although he can't see it because of the cowl but Jaime knows his eyebrow is raised) and Jaime lets go of his arm. 

He tells Batman to  watch Atlas a little closely and to look after her. Especially around heights. Jaime’s already doing the best he can. Now, Batman is in the loop and he needs to do it too. 

**______**

She runs away. 

Everyone was getting too overwhelming and the world felt too big for her and Atlas has always been a coward so she runs. She hides. But it’s only for a few days or weeks until she’s feeling much better. 

The Lanterns still haven’t come home yet. 

Bruce knows. The League’s panicking. The Team’s panicking too. But Bruce knows and that’s all that matters and is needed. He’s the only one who needs to know. 

So everyone panics and the world goes on. 

Atlas doesn’t know how it happens but she finds them by mistake. And she knows him, recognises him, Bruce still cries himself to sleep because of him and grieves for the boy who died so young. The boy who Bruce grieves for every single day without fail and mourns in front of the display case, head resting exhaustively on the glass and hand touching something far out of reach. 

The memorial’s proof enough. 

She finds Jason by accident and there’s someone else too. A baby. Jason takes care of him, she learns and his name is Damian. He’s a Wayne. 

They’re both Wayne’s but Damian is in blood. 

Atlas also learns that he lost his memories for a while but he’s slowly steadily has been gaining them back. 

She brings them home. And welcomes to brothers in her life. 

Watching Bruce smile at her as he cries and hugs Jason is worth it. It’s so sweet and beautiful — Atlas loves her dad. Watching Bruce cradle Damian is worth it too (it’s so soft and tender and she has to stop herself from crying but tears spring in Bruce’s eyes and spill. Everything is. Just to see her dad happy because if anyone deserves and needs it it’s him. 

As the happy moment goes on and everyone’s too focused on Jason and Damian no one will notice her gone. So Atlas quietly leaves and slips away. 

**______**

She is 16 when she’s diagnosed with an eating disorder. She is 16 when she feels like there’s no hope for her. She is 16 when she no longer feels like living. She is 16, 16, 16. 

But she is also 16 when she gets the girl of her dreams finally before all this happens. Atlas is 16 when Cade becomes her girlfriend. 

(One thing that’s ironic is that Cade was considered a villain but that’s changed now, they consider her as an anti-hero. So a villain/anti-hero and a hero together, that would cause an uproar but not really with the amount of people who ship them anyway.)

They’re a pair, they’re a duo. Where one goes the other is not too far behind. They’re both girls too, so they offer little girls and older girls something, they’re role models to them and that is the best thing that can happen to them. 

They’re partners. Unlikely partners but partners. And they love each other so much. 

She is 16 when Cade says yes to being her girlfriend and they are so in love. But of course they can’t have peace, not in this line of work, and that’s disrupted.

Atlas is 16 when she’s told she has an eating disorder and the world crumbles around her. 

Atlas is also 16 and on the Team, on Young Justice, and she has to leave.

She is 16 and goes to treatment and therapy.

Atlas is 16 almost 17 then and she’s getting better. She’s healing. Her friends are there to help her and so is Cade.

Atlas is 17 nearing 18 when she relapses. 

**______**

Listen, she didn’t mean for her need of control to grow into something like this. Never meant for it in fact. 

But her parents had drilled this into her, wanted her in tip-top shape that came along with restricted meals and then skipped meals just so they could see how far her control and skill could go. Just so they could kick her back down again and train and perform gruellingly with muscles burning and a blade pressed to her throat (she had never been their daughter). (She can’t ever forget the first time she killed someone.)

It had been like this since younger, from whatever she remembered of her childhood (nonexistent). She lost herself into it once more and hold habits die hard, don’t they. It gave her stability, made her in control and reminded her of the life before she used to live and that gave her, in some sort of sick sense, relief. 

Yes, she wouldn’t want to go back to that place and relive her life there again but there are some things from there, from the past that she finds peace in. This is one of them and it’s not healthy but most things weren’t back then and there. 

But it started again when she was 15 and became major at 16. Before then, it was controlled. She didn’t think of it as a problem, one that needed much thought. Restricted portions became skipped meals and it gave her control and stability. After then, it was uncontrolled. 

But maybe, there was some body image involved too. Because: were her muscles shaky? How long could she go before giving in and eat her next meal?

The need to eat less had been drilled into her and even without that had always seemed kind. She hadn’t ever passed out or anything. It was tests. It was control. 

Exercise was the same need and she pushed herself hard enough and felt her muscles aching. It was control, it was what she learnt. 

Atlas never passed out but one day she almost did. Stumbled and crashed, shaky breaths, vision swimming, deep breaths, dizziness intense and and receding,  _ control _ . 

After that, after apparently getting better her stability and fight for control was gone. She had lapses but not relapses. She was getting better, she  _ had _ gotten better. 

Until— until one day where everything comes crashing down. (It had been going on for a time now. The signs were there. Her lapses. It was bound to happen.) She was getting better. Everything was going fine. Why did it have to happen now? And again?

She collapses one day and her friends panic and call 911, and they take her to the E.R. 

When Bruce gets a call from her friends he feels like he's losing a child all over again as he hears the news. Anxiety seizes him for a moment before he takes a deep breath, holds and counts for three and exhales slowly. It diminishes, his anxiety just a touch lessens, it's a dull throb now.

“Thank you for telling me,” he says into the phone and with an endnote hangs up. He reschedules his meetings (because Bruce Wayne is a dad before everything else) and speeds to the hospital. 

The Lanterns come home too after a day and when they enter Earth, they’re told to go to the hospital by Barry and that’s all he said. So they do, go to the hospital. What a way to be greeted. Panic, worry, stress, anxiety. 

It’s visitor hours and and there’s Atlas, laying on the bed as she smiles at a girl. It’s so soft and it’s so in love but it’s Cade. 

They wait patiently outside as the girl exits the room and walks by them, before scrapping that idea and walks back to them. She stops before them. 

“Yes?” Hal says, questioning. 

She raises an eyebrow at him and introduces herself to them shortly. “Cade.” but then gets straight to the point (Ha! Not really. She has a girlfriend. She’s far from straight) “You hurt her and I will come for your necks. You will be dead.” (she’s just messing around with them, seriously! She’s not gonna kill them. She knows how much they mean to Atlas even though they went ahead and did that and don’t deserve Atlas’s forgiveness or love but whatever, Cade can’t stop her or tell her what to do). A smirk curls on her lips, cold and cruel and slow but it turns into a small smile, kind of withdrawn but still there (she thinks it’s this smile that might have made Atlas fall for her while Cade fell for her eyes crinkling whenever she wore a smile or beam. She’s still very in love with it now) , “Good day boys.” She walks away for real this time. 

They look at each other bemused and off-guard but they recover quickly and enter the room. In seconds, they’re all around her. John and Hal drag the chairs around to take a seat next to her and Guy is already sitting next to her, near the top, brushing away her hair he saw her blowing on frustratedly. 

She smiles at him and them. And they wonder how she could keep smiling when she’s going through this, dealing with this, and what they did to her. Very asshole-ish on their part and they know that now after Jaime had a proper talking to with them. 

“What did she say?”

John tells her and she laughs. “That’s her,” she says fondly and affectionately and with so much love.

They shoot each other looks. 

“Who was she?” Guy asks. “Your girlfriend?” he adds in teasingly, a grin pulling at his lips as Hal and John try to hide their smiles. 

And Atlas, because she knows what they’re trying to do and knows them, replies, “Cade.” 

Guy pouts and Hal and John visibly deflate. She laughs at them. “You’re not gonna hear anything from me.” and it’s Atlas, nothing’s changed and that’s so refreshing and relieving. They’re horrible, they’ve been horrible. 

The mood turns solemn and Atlas sighs. “Don’t worry about it guys. You didn’t know what you were doing. It's alright,” she smiles gently at them. 

They release heavy sighs too because they know this was what Atlas was going to say and she shouldn’t forgive them like that, so quickly, but it’s Atlas and she’s like this, this is her. They can’t do anything to change that and wouldn’t want to. 

“No. Atlas. I’m sorry. We’re sorry,” Guy can’t meet her eyes. 

She punches his shoulder and he lets out an “ow!” as he rubs the forming bruise. She glances at it and then at the other Lanterns. “Oh sorry,” but she doesnt sound a slightest bit sorry at all. She tells Hal and John this: “That’s what’s gonna happen to you two too. Beware.” And tells them all this: “I’m alright. I’ve forgotten about it and forgiven you all a long time ago. You all just need to do it too. Don’t apologise, I know you are sorry. So quit it.”

They let it go.

Conversations go by easier and the fractured relationship starts to mend. Bit by bit. Slowly. 

(“How’s Bruce?” Hal asks hesistantly. “Is he okay?” 

Atlas smirks and then it turns into a small beam, eyes light and aglow. “He’s okay,” she affirms. “He’s great.” Her small beam turns into a smirk again, “why?”

Hal flushes but keeps his confidence (willpower and all that) and raises an eyebrow. “No reason.” He grins, mischievous written all over it. “Who’s Cade to you?”

“The same Bruce is to you,” Atlas doesn’t miss and that’s clear by the way Hal blushes a deeper pink and averts his eyes from her. 

The other two Lanterns who were staying silent as they watched the exchange start laughing. 

Yeah, Atlas loves this.)

This makes things somewhat better. 

**______**

(Atlas will always crumble under the weight of the world.) 

**______**

She has to undergo rehab again. 

Inpatient rehab which she doesn't like but she understands. 

She wants to get better. 

She will get better. 

It’ll take time. 

**______**

Notus Bronte isn’t seen on the streets of Gotham for a while.

**______**

(“Bruce!” Hal exclaims as he flies into the Batcave.

Bruce pauses typing and turns to look at him. “Yes.” He answers, stoically because right now he’s Batman and Batman— “what are you doing in my cave?”

Hal pouts and then smiles as he flies over to float next to him. “Don’t be like that Spooky. I know you’ve missed me.” Then: “Take off your mask Bruce.”

Bruce glares at him and Hal continues smiling. His glare dims and falls short. 

“Your mask Bruce. Yeah, there we go Spooky,” Hal coaxes. “There’s your face.” 

Bruce takes off his mask and he’s looking at Hal just like Cade does Atlas and— There’s a gentle smile playing on his face and it’s so breathtaking that it takes Hal breath away. 

“Hi Bruce,” Hal lowers to the ground and Bruce’s smile makes his smile bigger. 

Bruce lets out a soft huff of laughter. “Hi Hal.”

“There’s my Spooky.” He says and smiles so softly that Bruce marvels at it and at him. “There he is.” Hal closes the gap between them and kisses him. 

Bruce melts into it. 

Right now, he’s Bruce Wayne and not Batman. Bruce Wayne is—

Hal’s home. That’s all that matters as he pulls him on for another kiss.)

**______**

(The thing is that Atlas isn’t sure she wants to get better. If she doesn’t have this control she has now, then what’s to stop her from breaking— from falling apart by the edges? What’s to stop the empty spaces, more hollow than her heart could ever be, from shattering fully? 

Nothing. Nothing can and it’s nothing at all. 

But there has to be— to be something. This is consuming her (will continue to consume her), everything, wholly. She wants to stop. 

But she can’t either. The world will go on like it does everyday. She has to— has to replace it with something.)

**______**

Inpatient rehab turns into outpatient rehab as time goes on and she slowly starts to get better. She’s not fully better, not that fast and never that quick. But she is getting better, slowly, needs more time. 

Atlas doesn’t understand why but maybe that’s because of her parents but everyone is so helpful. Well, everyone who knows. Which is like most of the League because word passes around like a wildfire and she was given a bunch of get well cards and gifts. It was touching, but. She wanted to keep it under wraps. 

Everyone is more than helpful. They’re all kind and understanding and  _ helping _ . They aren’t angry or harsh or dismayed. They all care and want to see her get better. 

Hal, John and Guy devote themselves and immerse themselves with research and so does Bruce, trying to find ways to help her heal. To—

(The Lanterns are permitted a leave until she gets better.)

They (all of them! They all are putting in effort) schedule appointments and drive Atlas to them (Alfred does too) and monitor whatever she is eating. When she’s at her apartment or the manor. But she stays at the manor more often than her apartment right now. 

Which is. She’s so relieved she doesn’t have to deal with this, shoulder this on her own. And she doesn’t even know how to or want to fix the problem. 

This was so regular for her. Atlas grew up with this, like this. Her parents raised her like this and rooted this in her. This isn't a problem. This is normal. To her at least. But it is a problem. And she doesn’t know where to start or how to start and help herself heal, recover, get better. She’s so thankful that the Lanterns and Bruce, Alfred, and Pam and Ivy are helping her.

So, she goes to appointments and eats whatever is on the plate and manages her food when, on the rare days, she’s at her apartment. 

**______**

(Atlas is not her parent’s daughter. She’s not. Stop—)

**______**

The support groups and therapists help. Bruce, Hal, John, Guy, Alfred, Pam and Ivy, her friends,  _ family _ do too.

Alfred gives her pamphlets and she reads them but it’s not about her. It doesn’t fit her. Her eating disorder wasn’t and isn't about her body or weight. 

It’s never been about her body or weight. It’s about control and stability and— it’s about her security and feeling comfortable in her skin and  _ good _ . 

She just needs to find something else that makes her feel all those things. Just the only question is: what? 

What? 

**______**

Jaime comes by too and helps her the best he can. But he helps in another way and that help is the one he prefers and knows Atlas likes best. He sends her articles about many things, articles about sugar’s effect on the brain because he knows she likes sweet stuff and eats them and is now stopping herself from eating them (control). She stares at it before closing it. He sends her articles about eating disorders, relapse and how that’s common and she shouldn’t beat herself over it, plus the recovery and how she is getting close to it, getting better, about the many different ways to help her (from other people and the ways she can help herself), the difference between psychological addiction and physical addiction, the difference between addiction and psychological dependence, breaking and building habits, malnutrition, everything else except how about breaking and building habits, and about everything else besides than how to mend the hollow spaces empty in her soul, those splitted jagged heart lines. 

Atlas wants to stop. 

She doesn’t. She goes on. 

**______**

(“The only way to survive, girl, is to go numb.” Her father says as a sword presses against her throat and she gasps for air, trying her hardest to breathe and that is the day she will go. That is the day where she will die. She’s so sure of it. But... but the sword removes itself and she can breathe again freely but with pain, she’s in so much pain. 

She wants to stop.

“Be sure to remember that.” And the moment was so  _ human _ , of course it had to leave. As quick as it was there it was gone. It was fleeting, like everything else, like her life would be. “Again.”)

**______**

Sweets. Sweets are something to look forward to, _ she _ looks forward to. It’s something she can hold off, wait for. She can control herself. She can do this. She can. 

It’s control and stability. 

She’s found a replacement. 

And knowing that Harley and Pam care, that everyone does, makes things easier. Makes it easy to hold it off, to be in control. Just stop after very few sweets,  _ very few _ , and then go home. It’s control, and she can leave her binging, her purging to the weekends. 

She stays at her apartment now. Not at the manor anymore. 

And this— this is enough. This is control, stability, and she feels good. This is good. She can do this. This works. 

One thing that the control she has going on is shaky, it’s flimsy at best and it’s weak. One bad day is going to break it and make it come crashing down. One bad day will do all that and she’ll need more than a few sweets to keep her by. She’ll need more sweets to seal, to fill in the fissures in her foundation than her weekends to cave in chinks in armour. But today is not that day.

Today is not that day.

**______**

Recovery is a slow and tricky road but you get there in the end. Eventually. She’ll get there too.

**______**

(Atlas. Atlas. She chose the war and so did Cade and many others. 

She chose the war. 

But she didn’t. Not really. She was raised in war. And let it consume her. 

Her parents— 

When she had a choice, she chose war again and she’ll do it again and again and continue to do so. Because it is familiar, because she has no choice to, because this is the only way she knows, because she has no other option to, because she grew up like this,  _ because because because.  _

Atlas chose the war.

And will continue to do for the rest of her lifetime.)

**______**

Hal invites Atlas for hotdogs after patrol. And so she ignores the sweets and goes out to eat hotdogs with Hal in Coast City instead. 

It’s nice. She likes it. Hal deserves this. She deserves this too. 

After they get over the tense air and conversations because she’s been avoiding all of them even though they helped her but she was so ashamed. (She’s not anymore). They talk about the Team — her team — and how they’re doing, updates from them. She might not be on it as of now but still, she’s kept updated. Hal talks about his job at Ferris Air and the shenanigans his friends got up to. It’s easy, it’s comfortable. Atlas loves it.

She’s going to do this with John and Guy too. One day. Taking it nice and slow. 

Somehow Bruce comes up. In an other sense, not asking-his-well-being-because-of friendship way. 

(“Atlas, how’s Bruce doing?” He asks softly.

She smiles warmly and looks over at him. “He’s doing okay. He’s good.”

He wears a small grin on his face and looks down at his feet, swinging them in the air. “Okay, okay,” he whispers.)

The splitted heart lines mesh together and the love lingers. The hollow spaces fill and the cracks… are almost gone. 

Atlas doesn’t finish her hotdog and gives it to Hal to eat instead, because she doesn’t want to throw it away, but she feels— she feels not empty for the first time in quite a while. She feels full. 

**______**

Atlas tells Harley everything because she trusts her and because this is who she will do therapy with. Wants to do therapy with. The other therapists are fine and yeah, she likes them but she loves Harley more. And knows Harley more. 

Harley helps. She was a psychiatrist and still is one. And after every session she gets homework. Pamphlets, worksheets, everything. All hand drawn from Harley herself and Atlas finds it comforting. She likes it. 

And Harley breaks protocol and engulfs her in a big hug.

She loves Harley. 

So, yes, she can say Harley helps.

And Pam gives her a kiss on the forehead after the end of every one— every session.  ****

**______**

Notus Bronte’s seen on the street again. She’s back. 

And she soars high again. 

Atlas Videl/Notus Bronte: reporting for action. 

(She kisses Cade in a secluded alleyway.)

**______**

Recovery isn’t easy. It’s messy and takes time. And is slow. But you get there in the end. You’ll get better. It’s rough and tough and—

It gets better.

It has its ups and downs and Atlas. 

She’s very close.

**______**

Atlas is not her parent’s daughter. She is not. Stop telling her that. Don’t call her that. She is not her parent’s daughter. 

**______**

Atlas does not want to stop anymore. 

She doesn’t.

And the world goes on.

**______**

Atlas Videl.

Atlas begins again.

**______**

Atlas is 17 almost 18 when she joins the Team again and does missions and stake outs like she used to before.

Atlas is 17 almost 18 when the Outsiders form.

Atlas is 17 almost 18 when she inspires kids all over the world everyday. 

Atlas is 17 almost 18 when she becomes a role model for kids and an icon for teens everywhere. 

Atlas is 17 almost 18 and she has a family that is expanding every day and is loved and she lets herself have this. 

Atlas is 17 almost 18—

She thinks she’s going to be okay. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> AND there we go!!!! end of fic!!!! that's a wrap
> 
> yeah it's kinda ooc but i tried my best!
> 
> i have Not Read Any Comics at all!!!!!! so dont come at me!!!!!!!! 
> 
> but yes recovery takes time and has its ups and downs and is messy and slow ans isn't easy but you Will Get There in the End. You Will Get Btter. You Will Be Better. 
> 
> i haven't gotten better. it's a new thing for me and not that major as of right now but i'll soon seek help. but i will get better too. 
> 
> and to answer some potential questions u might have: 
> 
> a) "Dinah's a counseller/therapist. She's not going to let it go that fast or drop it." which is true and all but i think dinah understands when there are things people dont want to say and she's not going to force it. she respects privacy, their privacy and she'll give it to them. 
> 
> b) "Her kissing atlas is unlikely too. She's not like that, or won't do that." from how i see her, dinah's motherly. very motherly and so she tries her best to comfort her kids (??) in the ways she's observed they like and are most comforted by. atlas is comforted by presence, by touch and that's what dinah is doing. and atlas looked like she needed it then, she needed something to ground her and that was Dinah.
> 
> yes there is gonna be batlantern because i love them so much omg and if there are it's gonna be faint rn! and yes they're so soft
> 
> also the relationships i sprinkled in are minor right now too. so cade and atlas, i'll explore more of them later. but best gf's i love them!! ATLAS AND CADE !!!!!!!!!!! NCBHCV I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
> 
> i'll expand more on everything later!! 
> 
> but i hoped u liked the fic.. and just have a good day okay? remember to drink water and stay safe and healthy!!


End file.
